Last Year & The Year Before. Old and new writings.

Ya, it's like one of the hardest things ive ever had to do, is finally to break down and ask for help. I'd rather do it myself, for anything, but when i feel too battered and torn to even wave around anymore, like, i become/became a breathing corpse, just sitting there. hating the mere thought to do ANYTHING!. Ive been going to see these agencies that 'help' people, and some are truly amazing, others are, "can i go home now?"... id been having a lot of issues with my health and my healthcare provider not addressing any of my issues, but some of that might be changing soon, as a lot of things are going to be "changing", including my phone service who was raping me and getting no help from them when i needed my phone replaced.

Someone told me about Patreon and i did create an account, i had no way, up till recently to even add anything to it, i just need to build it up first, before i can ask anyone to "support" it. It's a good idea, and i do forget just about everything, like that i even had one already. My memory has gotten really bad. it's the brain injury it's just been too hard to use. 

I know my last video was not much on the "positive" side, and i do actually feel bad for posting it, and prob lost subscribers but i feel i had enough. But that was not even the tip, of the iceberg. I made another one, longer, telling about how i feel i keep getting screwed over, but even that only touches on the first 5%. Besides living in the truck, my heater blower motor died on the coldest night last. It got down to 7 degrees. I keep getting mad at God, because i feel He is doing it to me. My Christian Faith has been being tested to the max.

I'm glad most of you all like Marvin, videos of him. That cat found me, last October last year, long story, a voice in my head told me, or MADE ME go outside one night, 2am, ... there he was! God knew i needed him, and God knew i would never 'go and get' another cat, or dog, the rest of my life. Too many deaths. Too painful (the losses). So He tricked me!. Marvin is the only thing that keeps me alive & going. Id been dead by now if it wasn't for him. 

Not dont know if any of you had seen any of my videos, but ive been removing them one by one, starting with my most popular ones, because youtube advertises on them, they refuse to pay me because i'm too small, and they have been doing this thing with my videos, where they just STOP being seen. all my videos 'plateau' or flatlines after 2 or 3 days. according to some huge 'influencers" out there, with my CTRs (click thru rate) being 30 or even 50 % higher than theirs even, (many many of minehit 100% ctr) that i should have been making millions already. They all said if your CTR is 3% or 4% you're doing grest! I think that is due to me calling them out in videos, not being positive, but it's hard to keep positive. They deleted my last video, update on the RUSTIC RETIREMENT SERIES (old rusty ford flatbeds ) because they said it violates their policy of sex or nudity. I had a 1/4 inch wide "centerfold" on the garage wall of my minature garage diorama. So i asked for help, from ALL of my 'fans', which are mostly other artists to,,, two special people have helped a little financially and spiritually, and mentions me, prays for me.

(fuck off youtube & google! you biased swine!)

everyone else, marry Christmas wishes for you. I remember the Christmas eves we had, uncles and inlaws and entire family, so warm and pleasant, cheerful laughter and fun times: now all gone (for me), for many years now.

It'll be only me, Marvin & Jimbob at Christmas again, this year. But two little tiny heart beats next to me, or snuggled in my arms, is still such a HUGE & Special Gift to me, my best gifts.

You all know,

peace on earth is impossible, but you can still find peace & comfort in your heart.

Goodbye everyone. Let me thank every one of yous who use to watch & comment on my "Creations".

Gary Tanck