Letter to "Good Old Girlfriend' just recently... I want you all to read this to!
Good "bright sunny" Sunday Morning back to you young lady.
I hope your day is full of Grace & Gladness. God only knows how mine was 'Given', or taken...
I can't believe you didn't see the Lion in the back of his head, but not knowing what to look for it's understandable. But when I first seen it i couldn't help say OMG over n over. I believe He puts things Infront of us, sometimes maybe just to see if we notice "Him". Being a cat, that I know He put Infront of me, that night, to trip on,,, if I didn't notice... was definitely designed & created and this particular one was also "hand-picked" or "programmed" to be the one the Marvin & I were needing at that very points in time. He's as to me, God's little Lion, sent to encourage "us" and help protect us with bravery of the heart: to show me what that means, as an example, both outwards & inwards. When I first brought him home and introduced him to Marvin he went after Marv to attack him, so I lightly slapped his right-side hinder,,, (I was squatting down) and it was amazing how hardly even knowing me, that cat looked at me and came back, turned, and sat down right next to my right foot, softly touching or leaning against me as in to say "I'm sorry, if you like that black cat then im ok with it! You're the boss! I'll do what you say! I'm good!". An amazing show of loyalty & respect plus the acceptance of discipline, from almost a complete "stranger " to him, to Jim. I noticed the way he walked & ran, stalked & played with Marvin to as if he was his best friend already the first week. Marvin was SO intrigued by him to, siting near him all the time watching him sleep even. It took Marv a little while to accept him into our family but they both have weird matching 'habits' I never saw in a cat before.
That brings me to the subject of Marvin and how "our paths crossed". I was going to tell you, but I never really wrote it all out, only told it verbally - which was a huge challenge in itself without crying too hard. It was after uncle Dan & Aunt Betty (mon's sister) and Jane all past... Just because my best friend Mike (the war vet) past, and I was 3rd shift security again at a meat processing plant (Denmark). I was planning then, to let my life go ... i was starting to get prepared, but leaving other things go, like housework and cleaning. No more cooking at home because the entire counter across the sink & stove was 2' tall of used (garage) cardboard microwave dinner cartons and take home meals, I could hardly use the faucet to get water. The apartment was so dirty and the floors were horrible to. I "had been" eating a lot of canned tuna, cause it was easy to grab out of cupboard pop open and eat. I had gotten down to one can left, and stopped eating tuna for "some reason" unknown.
It was a weekend, one night around 2am maybe (so I've been saying), and I was restless. Something in my head, a voice, spoke to me, it was as if it was my conscience - (con-me with science???) I don't know for certain what it was at first but it told me that I "should go down to Kwik Trip; get something hot to eat!" (It knew that "i" knew it was one of the only places open at night with hot food). I said, "no, I'm not hungry". Then it said, "well, just go anyways, and get some of those Arizona iced teas in a can" that I ike so much. I again said "no, I'm not thirsty either!" So then it 'reminded' me that I still had half of a cigar left and said, "you have 1/2 of a cigar left, why don't you go outside and smoke it?" I thought about it, but said, "no, i'm not really in the mood for a cigar either'. After this, that "voice" raised it's voice, as in tone & volume & sternness, and practically yelled at me, saying ,"Oh Just Go Outside -Get Some Fresh Air Or Something!!!" Believe it or not, but i literally threw my arms in the air, and I said, "FINE!" With that I opened my door to the hallway and stormed straight out the short distance to the next door leading outside, to a one piece 5-step concrete staircase block, where I would normally go sit. Well, no sooner I walk out there, I didn't even have time to sit down, this little black cat comes running up to me and I greet 'it' very affectionately as it's very friendly and so soft and beautiful, besides apparently very cold & hungry, as thin/skinny as it was, in November.
I asked "her"/"him" if it was hungry and wow it was wrapping around me trying to pet it. So I said come in and we can see if we can find you something to eat!
After I opened my cupboard and saw that one can of tuna left, , , that i left, , , or had stopped at... didn't eat, for "some reason" i opened it for him and he ate like he was starving for days!
I watched him the entire time, gave him water to, of course. After he ate he was So Playful and made me laugh so hard! His fur was collecting dirt from my rugs staticly all over him. I knew cats like a clean house, in three days - my house was spic & span! The entire apartment was cleaned! It was bad!
Profound/prophetic? It was for me. It changed my life, and that cat saved my life, from me. Although now again as I'm struggling I'm struggling with our "relationship" (the Lord /God) like just this morning, again, just the same as most every morning. I think back n forth and inside and out and I still struggle and can't figure out how to "take Him" and do I call Him friend, like Jesus said, Father, like Jesus did,,, Creator & King who watches everything I do? Or a friend & counselor who wants to "save me"?
I know He is Alive! I know He hears us and I KNOW He can speak to us! I just have continuous ongoing struggles relationship problems between Him & I. I seen the inequities He allowed, or may have even planned, to do many good hearted wonderful people - people who would never intentionally hurt a soul. My sister would be a GOOD start, my girlfriend Sandra who passed on just over 2 years ago now to, she had to live a life of hell with hardly anything on a poverty income for disability even with the added SSI, she still could never get an apartment and ended up free to death from living in her car, after finally catching Covid. Poor ladies family even despised her and couldn't stand her because of her "mental disability".
My own mental disability plus the damage now is showing me what's it's like to be, "miss-understood" .
I was going to get help from the Congressmens office (Mike Gallaghers) this "Kerry" who WAS great friends with my war vet buddy, was all for me, at first, "any friend of Mike's a friend of mine!" She said. Then she remembered me from his funeral doing a urology and was, "Oh Ya! I remember you! You were great! You made everyone laugh to, besides cry!". I said, "Ya, I made his dad cry, that was one of my goals!" But, after 6, 7 ,8, weeks of nothing, no help with my being screwed over by unemployment just because they don't like me, being garnished by the state for stuff I didn't do, and the school to, the whole workman's compensation claim/incident that has given me the bad neck and TBI and nothing so far in benefits or ", compensation" ,, I started getting more n more agitated and angry, and RUDE , she says I am nothing like my buddy Mike was! He was always a gentleman and nice. I told her he call to chat politics. He didn't call you because he was being screwed over left AND right! He had a home!!! He had his income (pension)!!! He didn't need workers comp reopened or garnishments stopped, he didn't live in his truck because he was REFUSED aid or benefits, he didn't have a TBI either!!!!! He also didn't have ongoing medical issues like a pinched spinal cord in his neck from cervical stinosous caused by lack of medical attention from whiplash!!!!! He had everything he needed! I have NOTHING I NEED and NOTHING that I am ENTITLED TO like any other human. No, I couldn't even ask for someone else to help me there, shed keep coming on the phone, cause caller ID, they knew it was me! ADRC they told me to go! I'd already been going there, for over a year,,, and they did not one damn thing for me, not even one!. None of the agencies who help, helped me: none of the other places either "could" (not even Saint Vincent De Paul!)
I'm peeing in my pants (in the truck) because I can't get up, grab a bottle, and get in position fast enough!
It came about again a few nights ago when i had another series of moments where I had to pee so hard so bad, but I had to hold it, i was going to drive to the library. I just first drove up to the library, I had to pee before but then I didn't.. so I sat there awhile. Then i did again BAD LIKE CAN'T HOLD IT and I was squirming and had to tighten my body as tight as I could to from wettting myself, it's likely; I was having a seizure if someone saw me i was breathing short gasps, gripping the grab handle and steering wheel as tight as I could. So I got and idea, as this was happening, I know when I turn from looking back at the back seats or cats or just from any hard right, my neck "bangs" or snaps and kinda hurts always, like a bad-crack (not a good crack): so I grab my head and turn it to the left like that it did it , "snap' and I let go and I sat there a few seconds to see where things are at, and by God I swear to you I didn't have to go pee at all!! As a matter of fact I sat there for for a long time just thinking, so long that I felt so comfortable yet I didn't feel a thing, like my body was floating on air, then I'm thinking s soft bed, and it actually started to feel like I was laying straight out , it was weird but felt so good but move my toes or legs a little to make sure I could still... I know, but I was too afraid even to leave the comfort .. I said to myself I can wait to find out, this is nice!
(there's reasons we don't understand until the proper time)
G
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